Are you Really There

I have had ADD for years, at least that is what they call it, or use to call it…? I am showing my age a bit. I want to say they started only calling it ADHD. To say “I have the without hyperactivity kind” might be outdated. This is of course if you believe in Attention Deficit to begin with. It is real all right, real as anything else in this world but what is the actual real cause and can it be stopped? 

I think what I have falls under the category of trauma. Why is that? (a story for another time)

We as a society have been much better the last decade about identifying trauma and what it can do to people especially when it comes to learning. When you have trauma or ADD or whatever you want to call it, you are not really in your own skin as they say, you are somewhere else, you are too afraid to be there and feel all the things you need to feel and experience.

Why does any of this matter whatsoever?!?!?!

One of the great paradoxes of cello playing is that it can be extremely challenging and complicated and at the same time you can do it and completely check out mentally. It is the craziest thing. Whatever your ability level is, whatever you have achieved on the instrument you can probably do while thinking about something completely different, AND you can do it for very long stretches of time, as in entire practice sessions. It is a hard reality I think we must all face if we are to solve this great challenge of actually being there in the space where we are playing and learning. And if that is true then is cello playing really all that complicated and challenging? Or our we, the humans, complicated and challenging. Do we fail to give ourselves over to what we are doing, surrender to the process and decide to really BE THERE. When is it that we really start listening, that we really start hearing our selves in the way we need to, the good and the bad.

Settle in. Take a breath. Everything is going to be ok. Be there. And happy practicing.