Disassociate Discomfort from Shame
I am going to have to do quite a bit of that here… what the title suggest. I will get into that in a second but first I have to tell you just how true this is. We as humans don’t like discomfort. Why? Well the answer is in the statement itself, its uncomfortable, its not nice, its not enjoyable. When we get uncomfortable in the learning process we can start to feel like there is something we don’t get, that others do. We can start to have self effacing believes about our own ability instead of having an accurate assessment which is,
“… the task we are doing is hard. I am experiencing discomfort because its hard, because I am transitioning from not knowing to know and there is quite a bit of fallout from that and it will pass…”
Instead we can get mired down in shame, and the self talk because of the distraction of what others experiences might be and how they are probably better than our own. Its all malarky. Everyone experiences discomfort in learning something new and we have to get passed that and realize its a normal part of the process. We shouldn’t feel shame because we don’t know something, thats WHY we are there in the practicing room, to get to the knowing that we don’t already possess, its why you got the cello out. Yes its uncomfortable because you have never done it before, but that is ok, it is to be expected and maybe even relished in as a challenge to overcome.
Where did I just learn this incredible piece of wisdom you ask, from my colleague and oldest Cello Friend (32 years) Jameson Platte professor of cello at Skidmore college. This is such a great piece of advice that we discussed in a interview I was recording for you for the YouTube channel.
Except… I didn’t record it.
I messed up.
Shame, immense shame running over me the way it always does when these things happen. How could I be so stupid, no one else would have done this, how could I have screwed up so badly…. (internal dialog over and over and over…)
The software is new to me so I tested it on myself, did all the things. Took the iPad into another part of the house and called in to my computer so I could see what happens. It worked great, I was ready. Except I goofed because like I said it is new, I hadn’t experienced all the buttons and where things are and how they look and so I didn’t catch it. Discomfort galore, shame 10X. Or…
I take the advice I am trying to distill to all of you. Learning is uncomfortable, going on an adventure to create something can be messy. Don’t get me wrong, we should always put our best foot forward, we shouldn’t be haphazard and half-assed about what we are doing. This is not a license to be apathetic. It is instead permission to grant ourselves grace in the midst of discomfort, in the midst of not knowing, even when we have come into the situation with our usual over prepared selves. Perhaps this is the real lesson, that we trick ourselves into thinking “I am so read this will be easy, there will be no hiccups along the way, it will be smooth sailing” I think this is what we do when we pick up a new piece of music or start practicing a new assignment or set of pieces for a concert. We set ourselves up for shame in the practice room because we assume we have this whole practice and learning cello thing figured out. And then its uncomfortable, it takes a while, we were not as ready for this new piece as we thought we were and here comes the shame. Shame we should have disassociated from long ago.
Thank the heavens also for gracious humans. Jameson Platte has already said he is up for a re-do so that our cello community can actually see the interview. There were so many good things! In fact this is just part one. There will be another blog post later this week about listening because that was the other piece of gold we discussed.
Until next time,
Peace
Clay
